friendship is more than close friends

aka: pursue family, friends AND community

imagine a world where you had close family and close friends, but no larger community. there's no one you expect to run into on your commute. there's no one you would say hi to at the gym, or at the grocery store. at parties, you mostly just enjoy spending time with the 1-2 close friends you know there. when you hang out with your close friends, you mostly just hang out 1-1. you don't spend much time with their friends (the friends of your close friends).

by contrast, imagine a world where you had close family and close friends, and a larger community. your commute, your random walks, your grocery store trips, your gym, parties, smaller hangouts. they would all be so much more vibrant. there would be serendipity and novel ideas and agents of chaos.

the world is just so much warmer when you have community.

i feel so happy when: [1]

• i run into a familiar face on the street, on the way to work or elsewhere, and get to exchange a smile and pleasantries
• i get to say hi to my boys at the gym and the gym feels alive
• i get to see some fun and warm and interesting people at parties, that I never hang out 1-1 with, yet often leave me feeling inspired, giggling, or cozy
• i get to hang out with some friends of my friends that are just incredible

and i love how uncomplicated yet beautiful some of these interactions with this company can be. in some ways, i have unconditional positive regard towards my larger community in a way i don't always have with close friends! there can be heightened expectations of close friends, but with the larger community, i'm just so happy they exist, and the emotions gush out my chest, without complication.

one callout. i know some people identify as people that prefer "1-1 friendships" over "friend groups" or "community." i want to have empathy for y'all but also i kind of want to push back on your preference! even if you're introverts. i believe if you had unlimited time and energy and creativity and resources, you'd definitely prefer a world where you had your 1-1 close friendships as well as this larger community. tell me if i'm wrong!

• kudos james for the inspo for this piece - i was inspired to write this post bc my friend james has a piece coming out that references "family/friends" and "community" as separate legs in his "table of purpose", which i thought was so interesting
• it's easy to denigrate community as weak ties (oh i hate that word), acquaintances, not really friends. i like that i've found the term "community" to describe what i'm after

[1] specifically when i was in college, i was in a co-ed engineering fraternity and i felt like i truly loved every one in the fraternity. i told a friend once that i was actually in love--romantic love--with the community. i didn't hang out with everyone individually but i just had such positive regard for everyone. asjdfakld;fl