it just takes time

Editor's note: I found this article in my drafts from a year or two ago.

i was talking to a friend about unfulfilled desires. she just graduated school just in the last year. she was explaining how she had so many desires it was hard to let them go etc. they feel super precious to her.

i had a lot of desires early postgrad too, so i could relate. but i've also materially changed, in the 4 years I’ve been out of school. at some point I gave up on accomplishing anything. or at least, gave up on caring about it as much. i came out of school being like, i have to start a company, i have to write, etc. i took stabs at those dreams, but then i went through a phase of oh, whatever i guess i don’t have to do those things for life to be great. the reality is, there are eras. you focus/care about one thing for a spell, then maybe you forget all about it.

after going through many cycles of that, it comes a lot more naturally for me to prioritize, even despite my indecisive starting point.

studies show that people accomplish their goals more when they set only one goal. i’m not a saint, so i set two goals. but the fact that i'm able to do that is crazy. i used to have 7 goals and then i would whine about killing my darlings. the fact that i’m able to say no to a desire and know it’s not the end of the world, to realize i might get to it in the future since life is long, but to also realize i might not get to it because life is short - i basically give less of a fuck and it’s easier to prioritize.

i don’t think this is advice per se. because i don’t think you can speed it up. i never gave this any thought, but naturally as you get older you just give less of a fuck. it makes life a lot more fun. i remember watching a video of some 30 years olds on Youtube explain this concept and I didn’t get quite get it when i watched it 2 years ago. but now i get it.

it takes time. it takes time to give less of a fuck, learn patience, and realize it doesn’t matter what you do, which ironically makes it easier to prioritize and do what you want, uninhibited.