age talk is distancing

it's distancing to dwell on the fact that people are different ages in a conversation

"omg you're so young"

or "omg you're unc"

a friend of mine turned 30 recently and was talking to a few 24 year olds at a bar and then the conversation turned to "life advice for 20 somethings." she hated that. it's an innocuous ask, but subtly the conversation began to be about why they're different. [1]

a friend of mine in college hung out with a lot of us upperclassmen, and didn't love that we often dwelled on the fact that he was so young. it made her feel like she didn't belong

the broader principle at play is that it's nicer to focus on what you have in common with someone, rather than dwelling on what makes you different

in a similar vein, sometimes i wonder whether when you meet a tall person and you have a reaction internally of "omg they're so tall" whether you should tell them. on some level, it feels disingenuous/dishonest to not to share that impression. on the other hand, it is a form of dwelling on differences instead of common ground (not to mention they've had the convo so many times)

overall, for both height and age, perhaps it's natural to bring it up, but it's best to move on from that to deeper qualities

we should all be homies regardless of age

sometimes, it's relevant to bring up age, in the context of our different life experiences

but if we dwell on it, age talk is distancing

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[1] tho i will say there's also argument to embrace the era/role you're in, even if that means dispensing life advice when asked and taking on that "older mentor" role