committed

reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book Committed

she makes the argument that a conservative societies with arranged marriages that become more expressive and move towards "love marriages" all see divorce rates skyrocket. and that it's happening in India (at the time in which she wrote the book)

she also shares an anecdote about a young woman she encountered at a publishing party. she told the young woman her husband couldn't make it because they were going through a divorce. the young woman made some unthoughtful comment about how she had been married for eight years and would not get divorced

liz gilbert in hindsight is like dang, this woman is young and innocent. she thinks divorce is just not possible

of course not everyone will divorce but divorce rates being up means some of us will. it could be any of us

i didn't go into this book with any particular intention. but now i'm realizing i had this invisible script in my head (probs from my upbringing) divorce is really bad + it's not going to happen to me i will avoid it.

at least thte latter is not true. it's probs in our best interest to accept that divorce is a reality

another bit in the book is that according to some study, divorce is like the 2nd most stressful thing you can go through in life. so really stressful

so we want to avoid it. but being in a society where we marry for love, which is fickle, we have to accept the reality divorce is coming for some of us

not in the book but like, i wonder why tim ferriss doesn't get married, for him maybe it is a financial thing

also what are the child custody laws with divorce? is it still default the kid stays with the mom? i realize splitting time probably not ideal for the kid but like dang, seeing your kid less cuz of divorce - that's something that's terrifying

that's my takeaway from the movie marriage story anyway.

overall, i'm not there yet, but glad to have books and movies to widen my perspective before I am